The way out.
A plan for when the pull to look at porn comes. Write it now, while you can think clearly, and print it, so it’s there on paper when you can’t.
“But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”1 Corinthians 10:13
Nothing you write here is saved or sent anywhere, not to us and not to anyone else. It stays on this page until you close it, so print it before you do.
Turning it off is enough.
Porn doesn’t start with porn. It starts with a ritual: the same small steps, in the same order. While the ritual is still early, you can turn the phone off and leave the room, and that is enough.
Closing the screen won’t end it.
Once the ritual is running, closing the screen won’t end it, and neither will turning off the wifi. The pull stays until you have some peace. That peace comes from your brothers, from getting outside with your feet on the ground, and from remembering who this costs.
Before it takes hold.
Three things to settle now, so that early on you only have to follow them.
How it starts for you.
Name your ritual so you can see it beginning. Write the first click, the room you go to, and what you tell yourself just before.
Your first move.
Pick one physical thing you will do the moment you see the ritual start. Decide it now, because you won’t be able to decide it then.
Her face on your lock screen.
Make a photo of your wife the first thing you see when you pick up your phone. It’s hard to start the ritual while you’re looking at her.
If you’re not married, choose the face of someone this costs: your kids, your mom, a brother.
- Open Photos and choose the picture.
- Tap Share, then Use as Wallpaper.
- Set it for the lock screen, and the home screen too if you like.
If it has already started.
Don’t sit with it alone. Do these three things in this order.
Your people.
List the men you can call or go to. You don’t have to explain the whole night. You only have to stop being alone in it.
Write the actual words now, so you don’t have to find them later. Save it as a note on your phone too, ready to send.
Get outside.
Leave the room the ritual lives in. Go outside, take your shoes off, and put your feet on the grass. Stay there, breathe, and let your body notice where it is.
The letter.
Ask the people this has cost for a letter: your wife, a friend, a brother. A few lines is enough. Or copy in something they’ve already said to you. Until you have one, write what this has cost them, plainly, in your own words.
Read it before you decide anything else.
Print your toolkit.
Three pages: the plan, what to do once it has started, and the letter on a page of its own. Anything you left empty prints as lines to fill in by hand.
You can also choose Save as PDF in the print window. The file is then wherever you put it, and nowhere else.
A few honest questions.
Is anything I write here saved?
No. There is no account, nothing you write is stored in your browser, and none of it is sent to Bramble or anyone else. What you type exists on this page until you close it or reload it. That’s why the plan is something you print. This page doesn’t count visits either. There is no analytics on it at all.
Why two moments instead of one plan?
Because they need different things. Early on, the ritual is only a habit, and breaking it is a physical act: turn it off, leave the room. Once the ritual is running, you can’t simply walk away from it. You need something to replace it, and that is people, the outdoors, and the truth about what it costs. A plan that treats every hard moment the same only works for the first one.
Why a letter?
In the moment, porn tells you it costs nothing and nobody will know. A letter in the handwriting or words of someone you love answers that before you’ve had to argue with it. It’s private, and it’s yours to keep. If asking for one feels like too much right now, write it yourself and ask later.
Why outside, and why take my shoes off?
Because the ritual lives in a particular room, on a particular screen, and outside is neither. Cold grass under bare feet is hard to ignore, and that pulls your attention back into your body and out of the loop. It’s a small thing, and it has to be small to work in a hard moment.
Does a plan replace blocking?
No, the two do different jobs. Blocking keeps the screen from offering porn in the first place. A plan covers what a blocker can’t: the hour, the ritual and the pull that come before any screen. Most men need both, and Bramble is free.